Humorist and writer Polly Frost says the best way to cope with these changes is with a sense of humor.
On Tuesday, Jan. 17, Frost will bring her humorous one-woman show “How to Survive Your Adult Relationship with Your Family” to Buellton at the Casa Cassara Winery.
Having drawn from her own experiences, Frost’s amusing musings on the challenges of adult relationships run counter to the conventional wisdom that says problems experienced in adulthood are chiefly caused by childhood experiences.
“There’s tons of literature that tells you to go into therapy and talk about your childhood,” she said in a recent interview. “I had a happy childhood, and I think looking back can sometimes help you understand difficult adult relationships, but I don’t think it prepares you for all these things that come out of left field.
“I thought everything involving the family would be settled as I entered adult life. I realized as you age, things about your family morph and change and you’re tossed emotional curveballs that you aren’t prepared for. That’s what my show is about.”
Although Frost doesn’t consider her acts stand-up comedy, she takes a humorous look at these emotional curveballs that “our beloved – and not so beloved – relatives can throw at us throughout our adult lives.”
Frost said her shows often elicit laughs, cries and then more laughs. “The first time I saw people crying at one of my shows I was thinking, ‘Oh no, I can’t do this to this lovely audience!’” she said. “But then, afterward, people came up to me and said that they loved the show because it got to them in emotional ways.
“What I came to realize is that people cry in a good way, in a way that connects them to other people who’ve gone through the same or similar situations,” she added. “And then they can come out the other side laughing. And laughter, after all, is what gets us through everything, isn’t it? And it’s what connects us ultimately with the people we love: That ability to laugh at the good and the bad in our lives.”
Frost’s foray into humor started as an embarrassing experience. “When I was in my 20s, I thought I was going to be this very serious literary writer,” she said. “I took a creative writing workshop in Los Angeles, and I read one of my serious short stories in class and everyone laughed. After class, the teacher told me I had no talent for literary fiction, but that I was very funny and should pursue humor.” The blunt advice stuck. “If you try to be funny, you’re probably not going to be funny,” she added. “Sometimes it’s the serious stuff that draws laughs.”
Frost has written humor for national publications, including The New Yorker and the New York Times, was selected for both of The New Yorker “best humor” anthologies: Disquiet, Please! and Fierce Pajamas, and has published two books (Deep Inside in 2007, and With One Eye Open in 2010). Her topics range from food to ‘mommyblogging,’ to friendship in the age of social networking to designer dog breeds.
Finding humor in messy situations has helped her expect (and accept) the unexpected.
“My grandfather was my grandmother’s third husband, but when he was in his 80s, he developed this mission to set the Guinness World Record for most cruises taken from Bermuda to the Bahamas,” she recalled, with a laugh. “He was stunned when my grandmother didn’t take to his plan. She wasn’t too eager to spend her golden years on a boat.”
Frost started honing her humor into one-woman shows in spring 2011, and found there is more humor to be had in a live act. Her show in Buellton will be her ninth one-person act.
She’s toured How to Survive in New York City, where she currently lives: Sedona and Phoenix, Ariz., Louisville, Ky., and her native Santa Barbara. She relishes the intimacy of the shows, especially in the social networking age when face-to-face communication has taken a backseat to instant messages and Facebook posts.
“When you publish humor or something as fiction, you get these emails and letters from people saying they laughed or loved it,” she explained. “What’s really important about one-person shows is you have a chance to really talk about things and to connect with the audience on a personal level that you can’t do on any other forum.” Frost recalled one middle-aged man who spoke with her after a show and told her he came because he’d recently lost his job, his marriage and was fighting for sobriety, but wanted to let Frost know her show cheered him up. Some people, she said, hug her after shows.
One of the topics Frost touches upon is the new family member who drives a wedge between siblings.
“We’ve all had that experience: When someone we love marries someone who hates us – and who we come to hate, too!” she said. “It’s interesting how much that part of my show resonates with people in the audience. An elderly woman came up to me after one of my shows and said, ‘How did you know my daughter-in-law and how difficult she was?’”
She also discusses how people adjust when family members drift away by the currents of independence.
“What I’ve learned from doing my shows around the country is that in America today, we all have these enormous pressures to be part of a family, to be good to our family, to get something out of our family, and yet we all have to become adults and live our own lives,” Frost said.
“How do we balance not being self-sacrificial with being there for our family? That’s one of the main themes of my show.”
Polly Frost will perform “How to Survive Your Adult Relationship with Your Family” at 7 p.m. Tuesday, Jan. 17, at Casa Cassara Winery, 291 Valley Station Drive. Admission costs $15 at the door.
Reservations recommended as seating is limited. Call (805) 688-8691 for more information.